From my WIP: Crap I Could Never Make Up

Scanner: Witness describes his mother-in-law as cold but not stiff and he doesn't want to do CPR.

Scanner: Subject advises that he has been drinking alcohol for a week and is shaky.

Overheard in pod: I've been randomly worried that some day you're going to set fire to my office.

Overheard in pod: It sucks to be you.

Overheard in pod: In a room full of men I just got nailed.

Scanner: Intoxicated driver moving 10 mph under speed limit. (Police find driver learning to drive.)