Helping writers to show, not tell

I always preach to my writers: Show, don't tell. The other day I was reading one of my reporter's stories and I came across this line:

John Piermatteo moved about his apartment in slow paces, taking an extra moment with each step. He kept a heavy grip on the banister as he walked up a handful of stairs that led to his dining area.

Do you think the writer is showing or telling? How could she have made the sentence better?

Here are some questions I asked her:
1. You say he moved about in slow paces. Show me the movement. Did it take him 20 seconds to complete one step? 10 seconds to lift his foot and 10 seconds to put it down? Did his eyes squint in concentration?
2. You say he kept a heavy grip. First, I think you mean "tight" and not "heavy." Second, show me that the grip was tight. Did his knuckles turn white? Did the bones in his hand pop through his skin?
2. I wondered if the banister was intricately carved mahogany or metal? The material might tell me a little bit about his apartment. Is it high-end? Low-end? I get a different mental picture if the man grabs a carved mahogany rail than if he grabs a metal one that wobbles.

It's so hot...finish the sentence

The first day of summer in southcentral Pennsylvania is hot and sticky. Tomorrow the temps are expected to climb to 98. So, let's have some writing fun. Finish this sentence:

It's so hot _______________.

Writing is like a lazy summer breeze

There are days when Writing is like a lazy summer breeze. It sweeps you along and you get lost in its fragrant waves. It’s easy and fun and you fall in love before the sun sets.

Then there are days when Writing is like a spring storm, pounding so hard that you can’t see through the razors of rain. About the only thing you can do is wait for the sky to part.

I much prefer the lazy summer breezes, but I appreciate the spring storms. How about you?  

The writing life...

From my Pinterest board: My words

Source: shareasimage.com via Buffy on Pinterest

Eliminating redundancies

Here's are some redundancies. Can you edit to eliminate?

1. drink up
2. any and all
3. cost the sum of
4. end up
5. if and when
6. back home
7. new record
8. seldom ever
9. 12 midnight
10. beat out

How well did you do? 


More on redundancies

Writing sex scenes is, um, challenging

OK, so who else finds writing sex scenes challenging? I'm struggling with one right now in my WIP. Those who know me well probably think I'm kidding because I'm a very open person. I'm not shy when it comes to this topic. But somehow writing about it is different. Or, to be more precise, writing about people doing it is different. How do you describe something so intimate in such a way that perfectly captures the moment? I always feel like I fall short, that maybe it's not sexy enough or fails to convey the couple's passion.

It's strange because the book opens with a horrific rape scene, and I had no problem writing it. In fact, after I finished that passage, I felt a little embarrassed. It was horrible, and I couldn't believe that something so horrible came out of my brain. In fact, a beta reader who read it thought that it had to be real because, well, it seemed so real. She contacted me not once but twice to make sure that what I wrote was indeed fiction. I assured her that I had never been raped and that she didn't have anything to worry about.

But, geez. This sex scene is tough. I've been building up to it in the story and we're at the point where, well, it comes to a head, so to speak. (Sorry!) And I'm worried that I won't be able to do it justice. I need to make sure that I'm showing and not telling. How much is too much? My gut tells me to take readers so far and let their imaginations fill in the rest. But maybe not. Maybe they'll want more.

So I'm asking you. What do you want to read in a sex scene? How graphic do you want it to be? How much is too much? For the purposes of this discussion, lets stick with women's fiction. But, if you're inclined, I'd like to know what you think the limits are when writing young adult, too.

 Now, I gotta get back to that sex scene that I've been putting off by doing things like writing this post. Later, people.

Literary Love Pinterest board pin

This is a pin on my Literary Love Pinterest board.

Quote of the day

"Fiction writers, present company included, don't understand very much about what they do - not why it works when it's good, not why it doesn't when it's bad." --Stephen King

Do you agree with King?

It's all about perspective

This random thought occurred to me.

 The more we try the more we fail. We’d fail less often if we tried less often.

 BUT

 The more we try the more we succeed. We’d succeed less often if we tried less often.

 So there you have it. It’s all about perspective, how you choose to look at it.

Some quotes:

“One person's craziness is another person's reality.”  ― Tim Burton

“Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty.
I see a glass that's twice as big as it needs to be.” 
―George Carlin 

“The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.” 
― Horace Walpole

“Fairy Tales always have a happy ending.' That depends... on whether you are Rumpelstiltskin or the Queen.” 
― Jane Yolen, Briar Rose

Video: Inside Random House

I saw this video via a tweet from Random House Kids. It's a great overview of the publishing process.

WIP: Another semen discussion that made me LOL; this time Mom has some ideas

I looked at the caller ID. “Hey, Mom. I was going to call you later. Did you get my email with the donor profiles?”

 I heard Mom clear her throat. “Are you sure there’s no other way, Gina?”

 “Well, the only other way I know of is to find someone to screw. And finding a screwable guy that meets all of my requirements isn’t easy.”

 “I know. I know,” Mom said. “This just seems so, so unnatural.”

 “And picking someone off the street corner isn’t? Look, Mom. I kissed a lot of frogs in my life and none of them turned into my prince. That’s just the way it goes.”

 Mom wasn’t about to let up. “What about a good friend?”

 “Mom,” I shouted. “Are you suggesting I ask a good friend to get me pregnant?”

 “Well. It might work. People do it in the movies.”

Travel journal slideshow of Key West

Here is a travel journal slideshow from my recent Key West visit. If you'd prefer to see this in a Storify, here's the link. Also, don't miss my Key West Pinterest board.