OK, so who else finds writing sex scenes challenging? I'm struggling with one right now in my WIP. Those who know me well probably think I'm kidding because I'm a very open person. I'm not shy when it comes to this topic. But somehow writing about it is different. Or, to be more precise, writing about people doing it is different. How do you describe something so intimate in such a way that perfectly captures the moment? I always feel like I fall short, that maybe it's not sexy enough or fails to convey the couple's passion.
It's strange because the book opens with a horrific rape scene, and I had no problem writing it. In fact, after I finished that passage, I felt a little embarrassed. It was horrible, and I couldn't believe that something so horrible came out of my brain. In fact, a beta reader who read it thought that it had to be real because, well, it seemed so real. She contacted me not once but twice to make sure that what I wrote was indeed fiction. I assured her that I had never been raped and that she didn't have anything to worry about.
But, geez. This sex scene is tough. I've been building up to it in the story and we're at the point where, well, it comes to a head, so to speak. (Sorry!) And I'm worried that I won't be able to do it justice. I need to make sure that I'm showing and not telling. How much is too much? My gut tells me to take readers so far and let their imaginations fill in the rest. But maybe not. Maybe they'll want more.
So I'm asking you. What do you want to read in a sex scene? How graphic do you want it to be? How much is too much? For the purposes of this discussion, lets stick with women's fiction. But, if you're inclined, I'd like to know what you think the limits are when writing young adult, too.
Now, I gotta get back to that sex scene that I've been putting off by doing things like writing this post. Later, people.
I can't speak from experience, because my memoir and my blog about caregiving, faith, and family don't have sex scenes. One thing I can say from my writing experience is that I get more response when I write about feelings than about details. And when I'm reading a sex scene, I don't want too many details. I rather have the "outline" so I can fill in the details as I want them to be.
ReplyDeleteAs for "putting it off," for a long time I had a post-it on my monitor with a quote from Terri Blackstock: "Don't get it right, get it written." Now when I'm having trouble getting started, I follow Anne Lamott's advice: Give yourself permission to write s**tty first drafts. BOC (butt on chair) and write one awful paragraph, then another, then a third. Now you have something that didn't exist before - a miracle. Then re-write and the 2nd draft won't be nearly as awful. (Anne Lamott is my hero.)
I don't know if any of this is helpful, but if you stopped to read it, it helped you put off the sex scene for another minute or two.
Good luck and God bless,
Linda
OK Buffy: I find explicit sex scenes not sexy. It's like watching surgery. I would rather you go with your gut. Talk about it, get to it, and then flash to the ocean and the waves striking the beach. One guys opinion. I find this style not making the sex of love "cheap" and more an act of love. Rape, that is a whole different story. The more graphic, the better. That is an act of violence of the first degree.
ReplyDeleteThanks Linda and Jess. Linda, I love Anne Lamott, too. And Jess, you've made some good points. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteI have absolutely no advice because I totally feel *exactly* what you're saying. I'm in one writing group and most of the ladies talk about loving to write kissing and beyond scenes whereas I always feel a little bit ridiculous writing anything sexy. I also get not having a problem writing scenes that involve sex that aren't sexy. I wrote a scene in one of my YA novels where a girl is kissed by a guy in which she really didn't want to kiss him, and that was absolutely no problem for me. So, in conclusion, I am absolutely no help to your post, but I wanted to tell you that I completely empathize.
ReplyDeleteThanks Katherine:)
ReplyDeleteBuffy, I just had a "pop psychology" thought about why it's harder for you to write about making love than rape. You haven't experienced rape, so it is totally imagination and nothing personal. In writing the love scene, you're writing from experience and risk revealing something of yourself. When Christian was younger and playing in various bands, he played a lot of his own stuff. It was great music, but I felt like sometimes he didn't really connect with the audience as much as he might - he was more internal if you know what I mean. Then he put together a Pink Floyd tribute band, and when he sang he was all over the stage, jumping off the speakers, etc. I asked him about it, and he said in the tribute band he was playing a role and it didn't feel as risky as when he sang his own stuff. Okay, I'm done now! :)
ReplyDeleteExcellent Linda. I think you have something there. Never thought about it quite like that. But yeah. As writers, we definitely tap into our experiences. Thank you so much for taking the time to comment. I think this has been an excellent discussion.
ReplyDeleteI read the 50 Shades of Grey books and honestly loved the them, but found myself skimming over the 3-page long vivid sex scenes. Sometimes less description is more sexy :)
ReplyDeleteI think explicit details are most exciting to those who have never experienced sex ... you know, those teens who want to be clued in and do it vicariously through reading. As for the rest of us, give some guidance as to what is happening but leave it to the reader to provide the details. Let them rely on their own experiences. It makes the reading that much more rewarding. And what is most important for authors to consider, the reader or themselves? We all know the answer.
ReplyDeleteI think Chris has a great point. As a teen I remember reading steamy scenes, because I didn't have any experience. As an adult, I tend to skip over those scenes now....I'd rather imagine what goes on rather than reading it. So I think maybe it depends on the age of your reader.
ReplyDeleteGreat point, Chris. And my dear friend Sharon, so glad that you commented. Lots to think about.
ReplyDelete