Dear Agent:
Mags’ middle name is trouble. She can’t seem to stay out of it. When she and her friends accept a dare to sleep in a haunted barn, they begin an adventure that involves a mystery and a secret someone’s willing to hurt to keep.
A good ghost wants them to deliver a message to her dying daughter. A bad ghost wants to prevent that. It’s up to Mags and her friends to piece together the clues that will lead them to the one person who needs their help the most.
In HIGH STREET DARES: THE GHOSTLY CONNECTION, the kids learn the power of love and that things aren’t always what they seem.
I am Assistant Managing Editor of Features and Niche Publications at the York Daily Record/Sunday News, in York, Pa. In addition to my extensive newspaper experience, both as a writer and as an editor, I have sold stories to a number of children’s publications.
I’d love to share my completed manuscript with you. I hope to hear from you at your earliest convenience.
I think it's good!
ReplyDeleteSome comments:
Maybe a mention of the setting of the book..city/town/whatever
Word count?
If possible, I would include one more point of conflict that separates the MC from everyone else unless everyone is equally a player throughout the book.
Great job and good luck!
I love the first two lines. The next few lines could be a bit more specific.
ReplyDeleteWhen she and her friends accept a dare to sleep in a haunted barn, they meet NAME, a friendly ghost who wants them to deliver a message to her dying daughter. But NAME, an evil ghost, will do anything to stop them. Then explain a bit why the ghost wants to prevent it.
End after the next sentence with what happens to the main characters if they don't find out. Also you might want to add Mag's age in the first line. And I agree with Saumya, you should include more about the MG.
Hope this helps. Your book sounds interesting.
Thanks ladies. Yeah, I totally forgot about the word count. Stupid me.
ReplyDeleteNat, part of the mystery is figuring out who the good ghost and bad ghost are (their names), what the secret is and why one wants the secret revealed and the other doesn't. The kids will learn that the good ghost had a child out of wedlock decades ago. That daughter is now in her 80s and dying in a nursing home. The evil ghost took the baby away after she was born. The good ghost ended up taking her own life. (it's more involved but this is the gist of it) She wants her daughter to know that she was always loved, etc. And she wants the kids to get her message to her daughter, who has always felt like her mother had abandoned her. Of course, the bad ghost wants to prevent them. Just as when she was living, she was a control freak and she was ashamed of the baby etc. Anyway, the gang must figure out all of the clues and what they're supposed to do.
I will look at trying to hint more at what's at stake for the kids.
Thanks so much for your help:)
This occurred to me.
ReplyDeleteMags’ middle name is trouble. She can’t seem to stay out of it. When she and her friends accept a dare to sleep in a haunted barn, it’s more than a bump in the night. Heck, it’s a big boom. A crazy crash. A omigod-how-did-we-get-into-this-mess moment!
Leave it to Mags to get the gang into another dare. But hey, free movie tickets are at stake and who doesn’t want them?
A good ghost wants the group of middle-schoolers to deliver a message to her dying daughter. A bad ghost wants to prevent that. It’s up to Mags, whose strange experience with a bouncing ball of light leaves her seeing images, and her friends to piece together the clues that will lead them to the one person who needs their help the most.
In my XX-word MG, HIGH STREET DARES: THE GHOSTLY CONNECTION, the kids learn the power of love and that things aren’t always what they seem.
I actually like the first start better because it tells us more and then gets us into the story. Perhaps you need Focus on why they're not sure who to trust, if that's the mystery. These queries are so hard. I've been working on mine again. I swear I've spent over 40 hours on it and I write letter all the time quickly at work. Sigh.
ReplyDeleteBTW, I saw your entry on the Market My Worlds contest. Good luck. It's an awesome contest.