Combining action with dialogue

Sometimes I struggle combining action with dialogue. I love writing dialogue and can get so carried away that I forget about breaking it up with action. It's usually something I catch on my first rewrite. For me, getting the conversation out of my head and onto paper first and then revising works best.

Here's an example from my latest novel. First, how I wrote it. 

“I’m starving,” she said. “Especially for Moo Goo Gai Pan.”

 “Well then, I’ve got you covered. I got some wine, too. And some beer, just in case.”

“Sounds good,” Gina said

“So is it wine or beer?" 

“How about both," Gina laughed. Do you want to chopsticks or utensils?”

            “Utensils. I can’t use those things worth a damn.”


Now read the revision:

Check out this dialogue from my newest novel

From these snippets of conversation from my newest novel, do you get a sense of Cookie? 

“You can say that," Cookie said. "They’re teenagers and the shit they wear to school drives me freakin’ mad. The guys gotta have constant hard-ons.  Zara was sent home from school the other day because her ass was sticking out of her skirt. Of course, I told her that would happen but did she listen to me? Noooo. Mom’s never right. ”

We laughed. 

“Just be glad you don’t have a girl,” Cookie said.

“Sounds like they take after their mother.” 

“What’s that supposed to mean? I never dressed like a whore working the Boulevard.”

............................

“Whatever happened to Bill?” I asked. “Didn’t you date him the end of our senior year?”

Cookie chuckled. “We didn’t even last a month after college started. He wanted to be able to date other girls. He kissed like a damn frog anyhow. Too much lick. Always felt like a damn fly. The last I heard he was working as an engineer for an oil company in Texas.”

Writing good dialogue

I love, love, love writing dialogue. Sometimes I get so caught up in writing dialogue, though, that I forget to break it up with physical description. Fortunately I have a friend, ahem Beth, who challenges me when I do this. As soon as she points it out I'm kicking myself in the butt because I totally see it.


So, lets talk about dialogue. When I read dialogue, I want it to sound like real people talking. If the dialogue is good, I get caught up in the conversation and I forget that I'm reading a story. I feel as though I'm there, with the characters, who in my mind are real people. 


So making dialogue sound real is rule No. 1. And a preschooler sounds different than a teen and a teen sounds different than a 60-year-old. Middle-grade characters should not sound like 20-somethings.


Also, only one character should speak in a paragraph. (Technically, I guess that's a separate rule, but we'll make it rule No. 1.5) 

Writing advice

Writing advice from ELIZABETH BOWEN

1.Dialogue should be brief.
2. It should add to the reader’s present knowledge.
3. It should eliminate the routine exchanges of ordinary conversation.
4. It should convey a sense of spontaneity but eliminate the repetitiveness of real talk.
5. It should keep the story moving forward.
6. It should be revelatory of the speaker’s character, both directly and indirectly.
7. It should show the relationships among people.

12 lines of good dialogue

'Tis the season to engage in good dialogue. So, in that spirit, I’d like you to share 12 lines of great dialogue from your work. The 12 lines do not have to be from the same piece of writing. Identify the work(s) from which the lines are taken. This should be FUN! Here are mine.
 
Snippets from FREAKY FRANK (MG)
(1 and 2) You’re one strange dude,” Piz said. “That thing you do happens a lot?”
(3)“What thing?”
(4) “That thing where you know what I’m thinking before I even say it and then you say it and then when I say it, it sounds like I’m only saying it because you said it.”
(5) “Do you know how stupid that sounds?”
.......
(6, 7, 8) “Oh, Nate. Didn’t know that was you. Sounded like a girl.”
(9) “Are you saying I sound like a girl, you punk?”
(10) “Yeah. A little itsy-bitsy, teeny-tiny frilly lace girl.”
(11 and 12) “Why you Nerd Turd you. I’ll get you good.”

Share dialogue snippet

Share some dialogue from your WIP that you think reflects a character's personality. Here are a few lines from THE LION AWAKENS. The first is from Petra, a secondary character. The second from Annie and David, the MCs. Can't wait to read yours in comments.
“Jess is off the A-List. Not that I care. I mean, she was the mastermind behind the granny pants incident. Remember that?”
....
“I never killed anything before. Not even a spider. That’s how much I’m against hurting things.”
“Technically speaking,” David said. “You didn’t kill that dude. He killed himself.”
“Because I made him,” Annie said. “What kind of person does that?”

Dialogue that made you laugh

How about sharing a snippet of dialogue from something you wrote that made you laugh out loud as you were writing it. I'll start:

From Freaky Frank

“Oh, Nate. Didn’t know that was you. Sounded like a girl.”
“Are you saying I sound like a girl, you punk?”
“Yeah. A little itsy-bitsy, teeny-tiny frilly lace girl.”
“Why you Nerd Turd you. I’ll get you good.”
“Something wrong here, Mr. Fratello and Mr. Payne?” Mr. Bugg asked as he approached us in the hall.
Mr. Bugg is as tall as the Empire State building and, with his shiny bald head and bushy caterpillar eyebrows, he looks like an alien. He stood right in front of me and my face was inches from his boogie-smeared smiley face tie. Oh gross!
Nasty Nate looked at me. “Nothing’s wrong, Mr. Bugg, sir. I was just telling Frank what a great job he did in English class reading the part of Romeo.”
“And I was just telling Nate that he should have volunteered to read the part of Juliet because his voice is so high it sounds like a girl’s and he would have done a great job.”

Snippet of dialogue

“When girls dress like sluts, do you know what I think?”
“You probably like it,” Annie said.
“Actually, no. I think girls who wear really tight clothes are desperate and insecure. They complain about guys looking at their butts and boobs but what else are we supposed to do when they’re advertising their stash.”
“You’re sick.”
“No, I’m just telling you like it is. Here’s the thing, Annie. Guys don’t like their girlfriends to wear clothing so tight it looks like they’re wrapped in Saran Wrap. And we, or maybe it’s just me, think that girls are much prettier without all that makeup. Why do they put all that crap on their face anyway?”

Have a snippet of dialogue from a WIP to share? Please do in comments.

Writing dialogue is sooo much fun:)

I love writing dialogue. It’s so much fun. I just wrote this in the story I'm currently working on and it made me laugh big time.

“Oh. My. God.” Petra blurted out as soon as she saw Annie at lunch. “Did you hear? Did you hear about Jess Gross? She really is gross.”
“What happened?” Annie asked, playing dumb.
“Well, I heard Chad Hoover, he’s the catcher on the baseball team, tell Scott Martin, he plays first base, in math class that Jess picked her nose and wiped it on his shirt. He was totally grossed out. I mean, I would be, too. What was she thinkin’? You know what this means, don’t you?”
“What?”
“Jess is off the A-List. Not that I care. I mean, she was the mastermind behind the granny pants incident. Remember that?”
“How could I forget.”
“Yeah, you and everyone else. But maybe now they’ll talk about Jess instead. After Chad told Scott about Jess, they started callin’ her Boogie Boobs. Cause you know she has big boobs, which I think they like, but now that boogie deal sort of scratches that out.”
 Petra went on and on recounting all of the incidents that Jess and the other Sisters bullied and made fun of others. The boogie incident had clearly made her day.
“And another thing. Did you know The Sisters have rules?”
“Like what?”
“Like they’re not allowed to wear jeans, even on gym days.”
“That’s just plain weird.”
“Yeah, I know. But they have this whole list of rules that they all have to follow.”
“How do you know?”
“Well, Jen's locker (she's the blonde with the mole like Cindy Crawford) is near mine, right? And one day I saw Jen and another girl, I forget her name, but she’s also a sister, yell at another sister because she wore jeans. They were designer jeans, but that didn’t matter. They told her that she had to follow the rules or she was out. Like how stupid is that?”
“Pretty stupid. So what happened?”
“They snubbed her the rest of the day. Wouldn't let her eat lunch with them. Haven’t seen her in jeans since.”

Want to share a snippet of dialogue from your WIP? Please do in posts.