Sunday, July 8, 2012

Combining action with dialogue

Sometimes I struggle combining action with dialogue. I love writing dialogue and can get so carried away that I forget about breaking it up with action. It's usually something I catch on my first rewrite. For me, getting the conversation out of my head and onto paper first and then revising works best.

Here's an example from my latest novel. First, how I wrote it. 


“I’m starving,” she said. “Especially for Moo Goo Gai Pan.”
 “Well then, I’ve got you covered. I got some wine, too. And some beer, just in case.”
“Sounds good,” Gina said
“So is it wine or beer?" 
“How about both," Gina laughed. Do you want to chopsticks or utensils?”
            “Utensils. I can’t use those things worth a damn.”


Now read the revision:
“I’m starving,” she said. “Especially for Moo Goo Gai Pan.”
I held up the bag. “Well then, I’ve got you covered.”
I followed Gina into the kitchen. “I got some wine, too. And some beer, just in case.”
Gina smiled. “Sounds good.”
“So is it wine?” I held up the wine. "Or beer?” I held up the beer.
“How about both,” Gina laughed.
Gina got some plates from the cabinet. “Do you want to use chopsticks or utensils?”
“Utensils. I can’t use those wooden sticks worth a damn.”

See what a difference adding a little action makes?

Also, don't miss: 
Writing good dialogue

1 comment:

  1. It is good to write, put it aside and let it age like a good cheese, and then go back to take a taste.

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